Here’s an update to my previous post on the Laws of Healthcare Administration, sayings or quotations from friends, colleagues, and other sages about the perils of “Life in the Big Chair.”
1. Simpson’s Law of Simplicity: Either this will work out OK or it will make for an interesting story.
2. Brock’s Bylaw: Speed + Execution = Results
3. Morrison’s Mantra: Anytime a major charge or shakeup happens at your hospital, your staff will have 3 questions: (1) What about me? (2) What about me? (3) Oh, by the way, what about me?
4. CEO Caveat: Never let them see you sweat.
5. Johnson’s Judgment: Every once in a while, you just gotta throw a dead body out in the hall.
6. Viator’s Verdict: You might as well take all the undeserved praise, because you’re gonna get all the undeserved blame.
7. Morrison’s Maxim: Hospital CEOs should change every 3 years because if you haven’t created enough enemies in 3 years to get yourself fired, you’re not pushing hard enough.
8. Prehn’s Proclamation: If it ain’t working, use a bigger hammer.
9. Prehn’s Prescript (previously known as Prehn’s Rule of Free Drinks at Happy Hour): The cheaper the product, the more consumers will complain about the quality.
10. CNO’s Conundrum: CNOs who seek equality with CEOs lack ambition.
11. The Simpson Elucidation of the Chain of Ridicularity: The longest distance between two points utilizing as many people and forms as possible in a corporate chain of command in order to review and analyze any requested decision or action without there ever having to be a substantive decision.
12. Prehn’s Precept: When you don’t know what you’re doing, walk fast & act worried.
13. Shane’s Sayng: Show up, act interested.
14. The Law of Crisis Management: I’ll panic when it happens.
15. Jim Injunction: Volume cures all ills.
16. Colin Powell’s Quote: You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.
17. Andretti’s Axiom: If everything is under control, you’re not going fast enough.
18. Weinstein’s Wisdom: Sometimes its paranoia, sometimes its just sensitivity
19. Prehn's Perrill: My job ate my life.
20. Aleen's Advice: When your boss is manic, rise to the level of their mania to communicate an adequate sense of urgency.
21. Aleen's Advice: (to nursing staff) You will NEVER get in trouble for being nice to a patient/family member. Get them what they need to be comfortable.
22. Harrison’s Three Laws of the Universe:
a. Hurry up, get to the point, I don’t have a lot of time
b. Don’t sweat it, most of it turns out to be B.S. anyway
c. I don’t have to be the smartest guy in the world, I just have to be the smartest guy in the room
23. Lee's Law of Timing: If you have to have an answer right now...it's no!
a. Corollary - Lack of planning and/or preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
b. Prehn’s Expediency Formula: Results are simply a matter of time & money. The more money you have, the less time you need. And vice-versa. R = f [T:$]
24. Reformation of Martin Mull’s Observation: Being a hospital CEO is like having a bowing alley installed in your head.
25. Granger’s Grail: Understand reality. Define perception.
26. The Law of Distributional Dynamics: When the sh*t hits the fan, it won’t be evenly distributed.
27. A Few Good Hospital Administrators: “You can't handle the truth! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know…And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall….”
28. The Bear Bryant Theory of Succession: You don’t want to be the coach who replaces Bear Bryant. You want to be the coach who replaces the coach who replaces Bear Bryant.
29. Captain James T Kirk’s Advice on Advice: “One of the advantages of being the captain, Doctor, is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.”
30. The Elenbaas Idiom: Honor performance, growth and results. (Ron Elenbaas)
31. “Like Throwing Moon Pies at Mardi Gras”: Sometimes all your customer, physician, or staff want is a token of their “special-ness.” It is not the size or value of the token that matters, it is the fact that they got it and someone else didn’t.
32. Ashleigh Brilliant’s Axiom: “I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the complexity of the problem.”
33. Dale’s Dictum: If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.
34. Carnegie’s Credo: You can’t win an argument.
35. General Patton’s Law of Battle Strategy: Pick your battles so they’re small enough to win and big enough to matter.
